Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Wacky labels

These puppies have been around for a while, and - as mentioned in "New Yorkers have the right to be oppressed" - they were neatly cataloged by Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch a while back.

Here are some of the perpetrations:

* A label on a baby stroller warns: “Remove child before folding";

* A brass fishing lure with a three-pronged hook on the end warns: “Harmful if swallowed";

* A popular scooter for children warns: "This product moves when used";

* A nine- by three-inch bag of air used as packing material cautions: "Do not use this product as a toy, pillow, or flotation device";

* A flushable toilet brush warns: "Do not use for personal hygiene";

The label on an electric hand blender promoted for use in "blending, whipping, chopping and dicing," warns: "Never remove food or other items from the blades while the product is operating";

* A digital thermometer that can be used to take a person's temperature several different ways warns: "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally";

* A household iron warns users: “Never iron clothes while they are being worn”;

* A label on a hair dryer reads, “Never use hair dryer while sleeping”;

* A warning on an electric drill made for carpenters cautions: “This product not intended for use as a dental drill”;

* The label on a bottle of drain cleaner warns: “If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product”;

* A smoke detector warns: “Do not use the Silence Feature in emergency situations. It will not extinguish a fire”;

* A massage chair warns: “DO NOT use massage chair without clothing... and, Never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving”;

* A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, “Do not drive with sunshield in place”;

* An “Aim-n-Flame” fireplace lighter cautions, “Do not use near fire, flame or sparks”;

* A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use “while sleeping or unconscious”;

* A 12-inch rack for storing compact disks warns: “Do not use as a ladder”;

* A cartridge for a laser printer warns, “Do not eat toner”;

* A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns: “Not intended for highway use”;

* A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: “May irritate eyes”;

* A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists says: “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover”;

* A snowblower warns: “Do not use snowthrower on roof”;

* A dishwasher carries this warning: “Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher”;

* A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: “Caution - Risk of Fire”;

* A box of birthday cake candles says: “DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity”;

Do M-Law a favor and get the book. It's worth it.