[View the story "10 things your Facebook posts say about you" on Storify ]10 things your Facebook posts say about you Storified by Ivan Lajara · Mon, Feb 04 2013 09:52:05
The following are incredibly expert insights on the kinds of things you post on Facebook and what they say about you, and we’re not saying that just because we were on Facebook at work and got caught and then we said it was research for a column, no sir.
1. You are a reactionary. You are the kind of person who is incensed and must reply to every post from your crazy uncle about his fear of gay, atheist, illegal immigrants with guns on welfare and who have leprosy who are going to take your job, even though every time you post a nuanced dissection of his post he only replies with, “THIS IS AMERICA!”
I can't believe I just saw a complaint about gay, atheist, illegal immigrants with guns on welfare and who have leprosy who are going to take your job.
THIS IS AMERCIA!Ivan Lajara
photoamerciaiswithmitt
2. You are a troll. You post things just to get reactions from people. You revel in the reactions to your posts about your fake fear of gay, atheist, illegal immigrants with guns on welfare and who have leprosy who are going to take your job.
I'd like to know what Obama is going to do about gay, atheist, illegal immigrants with guns on welfare and who have leprosy who are going to take our jobs!
We're running a blind box ad for your job with that description right now.Matt DeRienzo
3. You are a drama queen. You have to tell everyone how there is a lady in front of you at the store who’s buying way too many lottery tickets and you are going to be late for your haircut and your new iPad’s batteries just ran down and there’s no new episodes of “Downton Abbey” on Netflix and there’s no olive in your martini and your Lexus’s GPS was wrong that one time and your parents are embarrassing you on Facebook by posting old photos of you. You think Facebook is filled with pointless posts by others who don’t share your understandable gripes about how your car seat warmer is not working properly. You preceded your sentences with “OMG,” an obvious acronym for something we don’t feel like googling right now.
OMG. There are no new episodes of “Downton Abbey” on Netflix. The world is over.
smallpox hits the caste, everyone dies. show is over. move on.Robert G. Miraldi
4. You are needy. You like to share that you work too many hours and your boss is mean and nobody understands you and you’ve got the flu and your cat peed on your bed and your kids won’t listen to you and your spouse doesn’t shower and your taxi is late and your food is cold and there’s a cloud over your shoulder raining only on you and people look at you funny at the store when you are in your pajamas buying five-hour energy drinks. Then you spend hours reading and liking all the posts from your friends posting unhappy emoticons and writing that things will get better. Then you’ll write a ton of “Thank you guys!” posts, which will be followed by a post that your hands hurt from all the typing.
Nobody understands me
How could they when you don't understand yourself? Ha!Joe Norley
5. You are an over-sharer. You post tons of photos of your feet, your kids, your pets, your food and yourself. You change your profile picture all the time with self portraits taken at every bathroom you go to, because, obviously, bathrooms are the best destination in Cancun.
If you take photos of your feet, I take photos of my feet. Make it stopivanlajara
Delicious electronicsivanlajara
<div>. Tony Adamis (@tadamis1) didn't know what a bathroom duckface selfie was. So there. <a href="http://t.co/u9dpdxL1" class="">http://t.co/u9dpdxL1</a></div>Ivan Lajara
.@tadamis1 didn't know what a bathroom duckface selfie was. So there. #fb http://pic.twitter.com/u9dpdxL1Ivan Lajara
@ivanlajara Really regretting endorsing your social media work to @recordonline now.Alex Panagiotopoulos
6. You don’t know what platform you are in. If you are using hashtags and “@” signs and you are not even reposting from Twitter, #youAreDoingItWrong
#I #think #I #am #getting #the #hang @ofthis *happy face*
7. You are too angry. The world is coming to an end. The economy is in shambles and everyone must know how incensed you are by all this and, thus, you are going to ‘Like’ causes because clicking on things ends world hunger.
After extensive fact checking, it turns out Abraham Lincoln never said, 'don't believe everything you see on the Internet.' Everything I know has been a lie.
8. You are too happy. You post photos of angels with inspirational quotes and sayings and advice from world figures you find online, like “Don’t believe everything you see on the Internet - Abraham Lincoln.”
Happy thought for the dayIvan Lajara
9. You are lying. You accept all the event invites you get just to get them out of your notifications. You make a cake and tag all your friends in them as if they were there because you want them to see your cake.
A photo from @ivanlajaraivanlajara
Fra
10. You are not lying. It’s not OK that your poop is green and it’s not OK to share that on Facebook. You shouldn’t have eaten that cake.
OOKAY http://twitpic.com/c0x4kd #fbIvan Lajara
