For those doubting the awful reality of the Valentine's Day gifts catalogued in "'Be mine' and other parole violations," here's a quick rundown.
* The Burger King wants you to smell like his Flame Body Spray, which you can get for only $3.99. The official site offers disturbing videos (the image above will give you an idea).
* You can buy four absinthe lollipops for $10. You can also get maple bacon.
* If you feel like just getting the heart-shaped blade of the heart hoe, you'll need $20.
* The 2-Carat Cup is only $14.99.
* The custom hand-made toilet paper that reads "I love you from top to bottom" is, unfortunately, not the only one.
There's also "Will You Marry Me?" and "I Do."
There is no "I don't."