5 things you don't need to know, bro

Here are some things you didn't know you need to know because you actually don't:

* The bros at quartz made a map of how people say 'dudes' with data from Twitter, which is not quite representative data, which reminds me of this. But, hey! Bros.

* If you ever win a Nobel Prize and have to go through airport security, now you know what might happen.  Burn.

* This 2004 Twitter glossary is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

* The War on Jewish Christmas is real.

* Reply-allpocalypses are only funny when they don't happen to you. Also when it involves celebrities.

One cat: This guy arrived in the mail yesterday. No idea who sent him.

GUYS SOMEONE SENT ME A CAT SHIRT BUT THERE'S NO NAME pic.twitter.com/PCLgyDOhqI
— Ivan Lajara (@ivanlajara) December 23, 2014

One Google Glass photo:

That's the late Joe Cocker on the front page of the Freeman in 1994 to the left of the Christmas tree by the newsroom's entrance. The Woodstock '94 festival took place in Saugerties that year .I went to Rome's in '99, but nobody asked me so that's it for me. Merry War on Christmas.

Yesterday's Internet, Today! is a quasi-feature in which I throw in a bunch of links I tweeted, faved or saw the day before or in the morning.  I also post a cat and a Google Glass photo. I don't know why, either.

Guy who punched future Nobel winner in literature wins Nobel in literature

Peruvian writer Mario Vargas Llosa, who punched Gabriel Garcia Marquez in the face in 1976, won the Nobel in Literature on Thursday.

Garcia Marquez, author of "One Hundred Years of Solitude" and "Love in the Time of Cholera," won the prize in 1982.

If you feel like stalking him, Vargas Llosa is in New York, teaching how to punch writers or something. One of my favorite Vargas Llosa tales is "The Cubs," a short story not about the baseball team, but about a boy who suffers accidental castration at a Marist school in Peru, which is great advertising for a high school.

Full disclosure: I attended that very school, but my favorite Vargas Llosa novel is "La Ciudad y los Perros," which doesn't translate into "The Time of the Hero," but that's the English title anyway.

He also held a seminar at Bard College in Annandale-on-Hudson in 2006, the one you didn't go to because you didn't know who he was.

Now he's going to punch you in the face.